come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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