You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
