PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
