you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
