his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I have peed in a lot of sinks
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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