Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
