Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
it hurts more in the daytime
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
