This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
