you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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