Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
it was like eating out sand paper
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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