I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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