It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
