Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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