literally had 100 drinks last night.
kristin has been a bad kristin
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
