I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
