Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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