Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
