this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
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