R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My breasts were aching with rage.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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