If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
