So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
