3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
