I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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