She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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