Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
