a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
