Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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