we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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