Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
