Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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