If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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