My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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