There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
