You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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