She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
