I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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