i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
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On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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