My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize