Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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