it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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