She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
