u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
