Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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