So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i drank out of a bidet.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
