Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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