it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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