If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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