Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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