"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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