Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
