I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
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Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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