i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
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Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
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Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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