I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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