I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
