I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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