Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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