Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
