I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
