i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
