i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
