Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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