I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I skipped work to stalk him.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
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