im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
