the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
