You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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