He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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