He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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