I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
and you fell through a lawn chair
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
