I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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