im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
