in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
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