he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
