Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
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