Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
