currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
why does every cop we meet know your name?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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